Cross your fingers and knock on something wooden Earthlings, Pimpcron is here to discuss the Superstitious World of Gaming.

In a world where science is supposed to reign supreme, we find ourselves to be a very superstitious lot when it comes to our wargaming. Whether it is something we believe as fact, or something we have observed to be true time and time again, we find ourselves giving credence to things that can’t be proven scientifically.

For instance: your friend Gary is a Nuclear Physicist and will use every chance he gets to tell you that your world view is wrong because –science! Meanwhile, if you happen to touch some of his dice, he will immediately retreat with the soiled dice to a sacred moonlit hill in the countryside and proceed to chant his cleansing hymns in a robe while tossing the dice in warm goat’s milk and stir it with raven feathers. After a week of soaking, his dice are back to normal and he will go back to being smug. Gary is serious about his dice.

Girl Luck

You may wonder why girls are usually the minority in gaming stores. Well I’m here to tell you, it is most likely because they’ve been banned. And no, it’s not some sort of Alpha Male ego trip that causes it, it’s because women freakin’ rule at rolling the dotted cubes. In our weekly RPG I ran, my wife’s dice rolling pretty much broke the game. My two prevailing theories are either Uteruses contain tiny tesseract cubes full of four leaf clovers and rabbits’ feet, or maybe small invisible angels catch the dice mid-air, lovingly kiss the cubes clean of any bad luck and gently lay them down on the table with the appropriate side facing up.

“Resetting” Dice

If you ask any of my gaming buddies, they will tell you I have an annoying habit. And once you get past the nail biting, sloppy eating, lack of volume control, and constant nagging to join the church of Cthulu, you’ll hear them say that I reset my dice. I have come to believe that I have a better chance of rolling well if I pick up low score dice; usually 1’s and 2’s but avoiding higher numbers. I pre-roll my dice to “get the 1’s out”. I have also seen people line all of their dice with 6’s up, or 1’s up for a similar effect. Now, you can tell me that statistically I have the same chance of rolling a 6 or a 1 regardless of which dice I pick up, but if it comes to an important 2+ save, you look me in my optical sensors and you tell me you’re not gonna pick up the lower dice first.

“Lazcannon Curse”

“Lazcurse” or “Miss-le Launchers” are so common in my gaming group, that a lot of people have stopped taking lazcannon if there is another option for that unit. Need a 3+ to hit and a 2+ to penetrate that Deldar Raider? Cool story bro, but your Lazcannon just missed; or didn’t penetrate. You know that extremely expensive piece of weaponry that you bought to specifically do that particular job? Yeah, it wasn’t loaded or something.

Matching Dice Colors

I’m here to tell you brothers and sisters, if you want your dice to roll better, buy appropriately colored dice that match your army. I know this sounds crazy, but dice can be really racist and superficial. You put dice in your transport that is a different color from your army paint job and you can just concede the game. Your dice will do anything they can to sabotage those “different” minis’ rolls. I’ve tried time and again to explain to my dice cube that the army of a different color is worthy of respect and love. And it just replies with something I can’t repeat. Seriously though, I have a brilliant set of purple dice with gold pips to match my purple-with-gold-trim Necrons (My “pimpcrons”). And ever since I bought those, all I have to do is whisper “Tesla” and they turn up all 6’s. Same goes for all of my armies with matching dice.

New Unit Curse

So you’ve just shelled out some cash on a sweet new model, spent time assembling it and maybe even painting it. Now you’re ready for battle testing and just can’t wait to see what this baby can do! Next thing you know, you’re taking it off the table; gun barrels still cold. I just got a text from a friend the other day “Just played my brand new flyer. It didn’t come in until turn four, killed three marines and was then shot down.” Wow, looks like we got a bad ass over here! I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me with a new shiny model. Part of it is obviously that people are scared of new models and want them dead. But that doesn’t cover the bad reserve rolls, horrible shooting or just dumb stuff happening to it. The best thing to do is get a couple games under its belt, let it die prematurely like you know it will, and then it will act normally.

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